Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
id be glad to
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
