please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
