people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
