did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Less talking, more tequila
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
