Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
