Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
