i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
