So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
