yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
