I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
