Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
