some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
