Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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