Nicole vs. Life
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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