When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
