we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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