She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wish you could order shots online.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
