The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
