ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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