You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
