LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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