dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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