how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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