I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
