He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
