I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
