3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
