The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
