like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
