he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
