i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
