FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
