You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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