I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
