Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
