mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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