i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
