Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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