I'm so fucking centered right now
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
