if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
