i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
