Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
