you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
