Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
