Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
