she was so not down for the gang bang
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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