She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
