I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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