Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
