If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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