He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
