Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
