Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize