I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
