You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
