Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize