That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
