He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
