Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
