The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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