apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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