i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
