can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
