I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize