Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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