so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
