so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
