I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
