I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
