ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
