I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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