I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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