Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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