yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
