i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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