Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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