And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
