i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
