he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize