forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
