dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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