Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
