now i know why i became what i already was.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
