how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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