My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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