there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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