Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have fence marks all over my body
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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