I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
