this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
even my farts smell like vagina
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
